The sole survivor waved at Amari and Irma as they walked into the Memory Den. The air remained dusty as ever as they sneezed once or twice. There were few that bothered to make fun of Kai's wardrobe anymore, between the reinforced vault suit, dripping in cobbled-together armor plates, the old general's wear from the minutemen, and even to the old bathrobe that was suspiciously resistant to low-caliber guns. They had an eclectic set of tastes, but who exactly had room to critique? But there were still holdouts, particularly when it came to outfits that spilled from the pre-war comics pages. Kai ignored the sniggering as they headed where they always did when dressed as the Shroud. Kent's room.
His head snapped up at the creaking of the step, startled out of his impromptu nap in his chair. "A--ah, Shroud, you're back! Is the armor holding up?"
Kai smiled at Kent. "Wonderful as always, why?"
Kent glanced nervously at his desk, looking for an excuse to avoid their gaze. "Th--there's not much else I can offer you, after that last upgrade, that's as much as I know how to improve it…" he mumbled.
The sole survivor looked at Kent, blinking slowly. "So?"
The small ghoul swallowed nervously. "I-- uh… d--don't have any other way of being useful…" he stuttered.
Kai gave him a wry smile as they chuckled. "Didn't realize I was only allowed to have friends that are "useful"..." they joked.
Kent chuckled half-heartedly. "N--no, I didn't mean that, ah…" he trailed off awkwardly.
Kai sighed, mentally chastising themself. "N--no Kent, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I like visiting you, is what I'm trying to get at. It's nice being able to talk to someone else from before the war."
"R--right…" Kent mumbled.
"...It's alright if you don't want me to visit right now, I'll leave you alone," said Kai, sensing the awkwardness already lingering in the air.
"N--no! That's not what I, um… y--you don't have to…" He groaned at himself. It's not that he didn't want them to stay, it's just that he woke up on the wrong side of the bed that morning. Or perhaps more accurately… on the wrong side of a dream. He was too mortified to even recall the details, just that it involved him being nerdy as always and Kai being oddly patient and understanding as always… but in bed. "It--it's just… you don't have to worry about coming this way just to see little old me…"
"But I like talking to little old you," Kai replied.
His stuttering was never going to get better at this rate, not with how much Kai flustered him naturally. "Y--you're teasing me again," he mumbled.
"But I do, you've always been a breath of fresh air. Honestly I'm a little intimidated by how cool you are…"
"I-- whu-- pf-- you--?" Kent stammered nervously.
The survivor watched Kent struggle and squirm for a few minutes. They knew long ago about his crush on them, they would have found out about it even without the several… several Goodneighbor residents tattling on Kent to them.
...Probably.
Either way it was a relief to them, having grown more than a little fond of the scrawny ghoul, particularly from how refreshingly earnest and concerned he was, compared to most everyone else in the wasteland.
"I--I'm not cool, I fiddle with gadgets and st--stay inside and read comics all day! I could quote any of them by heart off the top of my head at this point! Y--you're w--way cooler than me..." Kent insisted.
Kai rolled their eyes, Kent was being stubborn today. Most times they could get him to at least agree with what they said, even if he didn't necessarily believe them. "Huh? Having that stuff memorized makes you uncool?" They murmured, mostly thinking aloud to themself.
Kent scoffed. "Even pre-war it was kind of the definition of it…"
Kai sighed before they stepped up to him, accidentally looming over him as he sat in his chair. With a flourish they cupped Kent's jaw, gently tipping his head to meet their eyes. "My faithful friend… how long have you stood by my side? And for how long have we played this game of cat-and-mouse? You call out for me in the night, but push me away when I come…" they whispered in their imitation of the Shroud before they let him go.
Kent stared at them, wide-eyed for several tense minutes. He knew those words from somewhere. But it wasn't any of the 420 serialized episodes. He… thinks he read them somewhere… Kent jolted as he suddenly recalled their origin. "NO!" He shouted out in surprise.
The two of them heard… something heavy drop to the floor somewhere in the Memory Den, followed by the clattering of heels leading to the door.
Kai winced, smiling apologetically at Irma as she quite suddenly stuck her head in with a worried look.
Kent scrambled to cover his tracks. "N--no, it's okay! I'm fine, Irma. I j--just… uh."
Kai sighed. "Sorry Irma, I told him something dumb I remembered hearing about the Silver Shroud series production before the bombs and I didn't know Kent hadn't heard about it."
Irma glared at Kai, warning them they were on thin ice before she sighed. "Really, Kent?"
"Y--yeah, s--sorry about that Irma, didn't mean to make ya worry…" Kent nervously assured.
Irma gave the two of them another look of warning. "Just… be a little quieter you two."
"Okay Irma," said Kai and Kent at the same time as she closed the door behind her.
Kent gave a sigh of relief as he sank into his chair, having already forgotten why he'd yelled in the first place, until he met Kai's eye. If he still had the skin for it, he would have been red as a beet as he turned around, avoiding their look.
"So you're familiar with it too," Kai quietly teased.
Kent grumbled to himself in embarrassment. "I asked you not to go through my things," he muttered.
Kai frowned. They didn't exactly have a reputation for not getting into places they shouldn't be, but they didn't relish his implications. "I didn't!"
"Hubris destroyed all the copies they could find! Even most die-hard collectors didn't have copies of it, especially after the bombs. How on earth else would you know about it?!" He hissed in exasperation, turning back to face them.
It was Kai's turn to be embarrassed and aloof. They fell silent for a few minutes, nervously rubbing at the back of their neck. "Because I kinda…… wrote it………" they mumbled.
"You… wrote Death's Requiem?" Kent asked incredulously, his annoyance utterly deflating at their admission.
Kai nodded sheepishly. "A friend of mine kinda roped me into it…" they admitted as they sat on his bed.
Kent stood up, still dumbfounded by the admission. "Y--you and your friend made the fancomic Hubris tried to sue over?" He asked.
Kai hid their face in their hands. "It was never supposed to go that far! It started as a joke, alright? I used to tease my friend Maria about Rhett and the Shroud being together, and maybe sortof wrote some stuff on how it would sound. And then Maria kinda made some really good illustrations for it. And we… may have known someone with connections to a small printing business…"
Kent looked as if you could knock him over with a feather, and he grunted softly as he took a seat next to them. "But… how did it end up at the shops?"
Kai groaned, dragging their hands down their face. "Did you remember the time Hubris outsourced some printings to smaller outlets when their machines got sabotaged?"
Kent wracked his brain. "Yeah… there were rumors some competitors had made deals, or that someone wanted to start a fire to stop the production of Manta-man…"
"Yeah that time. Well… uh… it may have coincided with us using that story to calibrate the machines between printings, and we may have gotten… a little drunk… with a lotta spare comics and a few hundred cases of legit comics being prepped to ship…"
"Wow…" Kent mumbled.
Kai gave an embarrassed smile. "Told you I'm not as cool as you think."
Kent snorted. "...Makes you even a little cooler…" he petulantly mumbled.
"Oh come on Kent. Nearly getting sued over a fan-project? That is like the definition of geeky." Kai protested.
"...Why didn't you guys get sued after all anyhow?"
"One word: Hopkins," they replied with a shrug. "She didn't have any interest in suing, it wasn't like we were trying to make money with it or pass it off as something official written by her, so Hubris's hands were tied beyond cease and desist letters when it came to repercussions."
“Huh.”
“Yeah, it was about the second weirdest thing to happen during that whole mess,” said Kai.
“...What was the first?” asked Kent.
“When I got the letter from Hopkins.”
“......What? What’d she say?”
Kai giggled, leaning back as they tried to remember it. “Nothing super exciting. She was interested in our style and had some pointers on a couple spots when it came to how I wrote Shroud’s mannerisms. It was mostly just telling us that she saw it and also maybe don’t do that again.”
“Wow…” Kent mumbled. He looked even more star-struck than when they’d first returned with the costume.
Kai blushed at that, sheepishly looking away. “Keep giving me looks like that and I’m going to think you like me back,” they joked.
Kent jolted, growing just as sheepish as them. “I got it already. You don’t gotta tease me so hard,” he mumbled.
Kai bit their tongue as they weighed their options. “...What if I meant it?” They coyly asked.
Kent grimaced. “This isn’t funny,” he mumbled.
“......What if I’m not joking?”
“I mean it--”
“I’m not joking, Kent,” said Kai, gently grabbing his elbow as he moved to stand up.
He stared at them, clearly stuck processing their words.
“I’m not joking, Kent. I like you,” they repeated, letting go of his arm.
“What?” He asked, utterly incapable of comprehending their words as he sat back down.
“I like you, romantically,” Kai emphasized.
"Who put you up to this?" He asked with a nervous giggle.
"No one, it's true! Why can't you trust me on that?"
He gave them a look, gesturing at himself.
"When have I ever sounded like the kinda person who gives a shit about that?"
He squinted at them for a moment. "Then it's a fetish--"
"Kent!" They insisted, frowning intently at him.
He chuckled quietly but still looked away uncertainly. “It's-- I'm… not exactly a pretty sight. My face isn't exactly winning any beauty contests,” he mumbled evasively.
“I like it. S’got character.”
He snorted at that, before mumbling an apology.
Kai merely rolled their eyes and gently cupped his chin. “You have very expressive eyes, you looked a little like a cute puppy when you were asking me to get the costume the first time, staring at me with these peepers. They kinda sparkle too when you smile, your face is sorta like a little lamplight when you’re happy.”
Kent gently wormed out of their grasp, sheepishly covering his mouth in embarrassment. “O--oh…”
Kai winced, nodding apologetically as they pulled away. “Sorry… too much?”
“N--no, I-- …...You really mean it?”
They nodded. “I really do," they replied. "......Even if you don't believe me," they added as a whisper.
A nervous grin flashed over his face at their quiet grumbling, but he shook his head. "Y--you don't know what you'd be getting into, there's more to me than just m--my face…" he mumbled.
"I'm shocked, I tell you. Shocked," Kai murmured with a smile. "I haven't been given much opportunity to see anything else, but I sincerely doubt I'd like it less than what I've seen."
He would be red as a tato if given the opportunity, but instead he just swallowed nervously. "You would?"
"I'd prove it right now if you gave me the chance."
Kent had no idea where this burst of boldness came from, particularly since he was well aware of how dangerous it was to call their bluff. "Prove it then," he croaked out.
Kai gave him a look as they moved closer to him. They scooped him into their lap for a moment, watching him nervously settle. "You really want me to?" They asked.
A second burst of boldness. "Yes," he assured, before his brain and nerves could catch up with his mouth.
Kai smiled, both warm and nervous as they palmed over his hips. Their movements were slow and warm, with ample time for him to protest if need be.
Kent felt lightheaded at the attention, nervous warmth settling in his stomach as they went after his neck and collar with their mouth. This was happening, he thought to himself, this is really happening, it's not another dream, right? He shuddered as their hand crept over his side, slipping beneath his shirt. It suddenly hit him that they were going to undress him.
Kent froze, panic flowing through every vein. What if they saw-- And then they realized-- and they didn't… Kent got so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't realize they'd pulled away for several minutes.
"Kent."
He finally snapped out of it, swallowing nervously.
"You can say no to me. You know that, right?"
"I-- ……...yeah," he mumbled.
"I'll stop--"
"N--no!" Kent stammered. "I--it's not-- ...I d--don't have… um…"
Kai rolled their eyes. He was a sweet man, but he was prone to forget things when his fears caught up to him. "Kent."
He stopped talking with a flinch before he coyly met Kai's eye.
Without a word they unbuttoned their shirt, tugging it open to show him their pec and crescent scar, a similar one laying hidden on the other side. "You don't have to worry about me being understanding or not. Remember?"
Kent froze before sheepishly covering his face with his hands. "Yeah…" He did remember, when they'd first brought in the Silver Shroud costume. He'd pestered them to put it on so he could alter it here and there, and had been distracted with the other toys they'd brought him when they'd first put it on. He had turned back around while they were changing the second time, to tell them it would be finished before tomorrow afternoon, and got an eyeful of them with their vault suit halfway on, both chest scars at eye-level.
Kai had barely glanced down before they shrugged and finished dressing. "...Seem like a trustworthy enough guy to get that off my chest," they joked at the time.
"Sorry…" Kent sheepishly mumbled, climbing out of their lap.
Kai smiled, and warmly cupped his cheek. “S’fine Kent.”
He leaned into their touch, nervously glancing at them. He steeled his nerves before he coyly turned his head, gently brushing his rough mouth against their wrist.
Kai shivered briefly, watching him intently with their eyes half-closed. "Dangerous position you're in there, Kent. Might gobble you up if you're not careful…"
He was able to bite back the whine they drew out with their tone, but he was helpless to stop the moan that escaped when they buried their face in his neck again, gently running their teeth over his scarred flesh. "C--careful, I--........." Kent stammered, pulling away to catch his breath.
"I?" Repeated Kai.
"I-- …...I've never…" he mumbled, curling in on himself at his admission.
"...Never?" Asked Kai.
Kent could feel his stomach lurch, and he hunched even more into himself, as if he wanted to disappear. "Wasn't exactly… a popular guy even when I still had skin…" he mumbled sheepishly.
Kai blushed at that, their smile growing far more coy. "Gee Kent, that's a lotta pressure to put on a person…" they murmured.
"S--sorry, I, uh--" Kent stammered. He glanced over at them, his heart skipping a beat at the way they looked at him.
They took his hand, squeezing it reassuringly. "I'm teasing, Kent. But in that case… what do you want to do?"
"What do I?..." he mumbled.
Kai nodded. "Seems only fair for you to choose how your first time is. If you want this to be your first time, that is."
“I do! Uh, I mean…” He assured them with a stammer. He fell silent as he thought about it for a while, swallowing nervously. "Th--that's… um… what y--you…" he stammered.
They giggled gently. "Comeon Kent, there must be something you want me to do with you…" Kai coaxed.
Kent's pulse skyrocketed as an idea suddenly hit him. "A--about that…" he mumbled.
"Yes?"
"C--could… in y--your story, Shroud and Rhett, th--they…" he stammered.
Kai gave him a knowing smile. "Do you want to be my Rhett tonight?"
Kent nodded.
Kai's smile widened imperceptibly. "I believe I can manage that…" they murmured, gently guiding him to lie down on the mattress. "My friend… do you know how long I've longed for this? The nights few and far between when crime seemed to be asleep for a night, when I've sought solace in the shadows of my bedroom and pretended this wasn't my hand, but yours?" Kai whispered in the Shroud's deep tone.
"I kn--know… and I've watched," stuttered Kent. "And pretended the same…"
"I knew as well, there are few secrets the shadows keep from me, and that was not one of them," they rasped.
Kent gasped as they pressed against him, settling between his legs. "Th--then why?--"
"No matter how much I longed for you, there was a reason you kept me at arm's length, and it wasn't my place to question your motives," murmured Kai, gently mouthing at the rough texture of his neck.
Kent shivered as he felt their warmth at his throat. "I-- didn't want to be with you as a damsel in distress… shouldn't be…" Kent mumbled, half-heartedly pushing Kai back.
Kai sighed, and cupped his cheek again. "I've never considered you anything but an equal, and definitely not a damsel," they promised.
Kent sighed. "What equal gets kidnapped and beat up?" He mumbled, diverting slightly from the story.
Kai sighed as well. "Do you think I don't bleed as well? That being injured is something I'm beyond?" They asked.
"An equal doesn't need to get saved," Kent mumbled, breaking out of character.
"Kent…" Kai mumbled.
"I'm n--nothing special! I'm n--not!"
Kai scoffed softly. "...Takes a lotta willpower to last this long and still be so morally upright," they murmured.
"...You still seem to get it too," he mumbled.
"I cheated, remember? It's barely been a couple years for me."
"You've been outside more than I've been lately. You're a lot tougher than me…"
Kai sighed, letting their hand gently rest on his leg. They still remembered how he’d shuddered in pain when they first helped him down the steps in the hospital, the stain on his pants growing wet again as his wound opened back up. They remembered his weak protests to save the supplies and effort as they sat him down and worked to piece his knee back together as best they could, before carrying him back to town with the powerarmor they’d stowed on the way in. And they remembered how he still had a bit of a limp despite it all. "D-- ...do you think you're weak for getting hurt?" They asked.
Kent ducked his head.
"Funny, I always thought you were unbelievably strong for just being conscious after everything, much less still standing."
"D… don't patronize me…" he muttered.
Kai bit their lip as they considered their words carefully. "They did… unspeakable things to you, they tried to break your faith in what's right. And you still fucking stood there and protested when I told them to shoot me instead."
"You shouldn't get hurt for me--"
"And you shouldn’t get killed just for wanting to make the wasteland safer! You shouldn't have gotten hurt in the first place Kent! I should've done a better job! I shouldn't have pretended they wouldn't go after you! I should--"
"Kai."
They sighed, sitting back down with a grimace. "Sorry, sorry. Subject change," Kai mumbled. "Y'are tough though…" they murmured. "Admire you a lot..."
“...You’re just being nice…” he mumbled, shivering as they nuzzled his brow.
"You're my little hero…" Kai murmured, kissing his brow gently.
Kent grimaced, gently pushing them back. "'M not a hero…" he mumbled.
They sat back with a sigh. "You really don't know…" Kai mumbled.
"What?"
"How many times you've saved my fucking life," Kai hissed. Do you have any idea how many times I've been ambushed, or gone someplace and the only reason I didn't die was this armor?" They asked in exasperation.
"That's not-- I just wanted to be useful…" he mumbled.
"At best I'd be a hell of a lot worse for wear, if not dead," they insisted.
"Y--you're exaggerating…" he mumbled.
"Why don't you just trust me for now when I say you're important and let me repay you a little for everything?" Kai insisted. "I'm not here to bicker with you."
Kent's mouth went dry, and he swallowed nervously. "I--if you're really sure…"
"If you'll have me."
"Yes-- I mean… um…"
Kai chuckled, gently kissing his brow yet again. "How do you want this?"
"W--we can get back to the uh, t--to the, uh... scene. But… c-- ...would it be alright if I kept my clothes on?......"
Kai nodded, and kissed the ridge where his nose used to be. "Where do you want me to be? Ontop? Under you? Tell me what to do, Kent."
Kent let out a shaky sigh, glancing away. "I'd… I feel more comfortable in your arms," he murmured.
Kai smiled. "Are you alright lying down on your side?"
"O--on my left, sure."
The room felt eerily quiet as they entangled on his old mattress, though, this was only thanks to the radio being silent for a rare moment.
Kent was little more than a bundle of nerves at this point. The reality of the situation was sinking in, yes, but more importantly he was acutely aware of how close Kai was, even though he'd requested this. How many years had it been since he'd last been hugged? And now here he was wrapped up in their arms as they laid together, their breath tickling at his neck. His mind was reeling embarrassingly hard from this alone.
Kai merely smiled to themself as they waited for him to settle, coyly tracing circles over his chest.
"C--could… you keep doing the-- the Shroud stuff like this?" He eventually mumbled.
Kai giggled softly. "Do you want me to continue from the story?"
"Th-- ah… the scene was going a little differently at this point…" Kent mumbled sheepishly.
"Mmmm. Be patient my friend, we'll get there. It's always important to stretch properly before any… strenuous activity," Kai whispered with a teasing tone.
Kent sputtered softly. "Keep forgetting you're the one that wrote it…" he mumbled with an embarrassed shiver.
Kai giggled again, petting over his stomach as they watched him tremble. "I did… have a couple differences in that scene, before we printed it."
"N--not to be rude but… I could tell," Kent mumbled.
They smirked before they slowly began to undo his fly. "I got outvoted and had to give Rhett a dick in the final edits, and Maria… wanted me to be informative so…"
"Ah… the stretching scene."
Kai sighed and nodded. "There… really isn't a very enticing way to say "if you aren't careful you will likely prolapse your anus," especially in the Shroud's voice…"
"......Did an okay job of it…" Kent mumbled.
Kai chuckled. "That's sweet of you to say."
Kent coughed and tried to be subtle. "I en--enjoyed it enough anyhow…"
Kai snorted but smiled at that, sitting up just enough to loom over him a little. "Oh? You enjoyed it, did you?"
Kent coughed nervously as he scrambled to change the subject. "How did the earlier version go?"
Kai smiled and molded to his back again. "Well…… Rhett starts to tense as the Shroud begins to remove his clothing, until he's in his undershirt and pants when he pushes the Shroud away again."
"Wh--why?" Asked Kent.
"The Shroud is just as confused as you are, but patient, despite how impatient his earlier words may have seemed. Rhett confesses that he believes the Shroud will be disappointed when he undresses him, and finally sees Rhett's full form."
"......What does the Shroud say?"
Kai smiled, brushing a soft kiss to Kent's neck just to watch him shiver. "The Shroud smiles, a sight few have seen, but one that turns Rhett to jelly every time. And he assures him he will always see Rhett for who he is, a loyal friend, a righteous man, and intoxicating temptation, no matter what his body may look like."
Kent shivered again, Kai's voice ringing pleasantly through his head as his mind already grew foggy. "W--what happened next?"
"Rhett eventually has his worries eased, his anxiety quieting down enough to let the Shroud take off his undershirt and pants," Kai murmured, their hand slipping down to stroke between Kent's legs, tracing over his damp heat. "The Shroud starts to move to settle himself between Rhett's legs, he's long imagined what the taste of his friend on his tongue would be, but as he reaches for his underwear, Rhett is hesitant again. Eventually he squeaks out that he's always fantasized about the Shroud's deep voice in his ear in bed."
"O--oh…" Kent whispered.
"S'good right?"
"Uh-- uh-huh…" Kent mumbled, even still a little embarrassed to agree on this.
"So what do you want, Kent?"
"P--please…"
"Yes?" Kai asked, still teasing him through his pants.
"J-- stick your hand down my pants already!" He suddenly blurted out.
"Such a bossy request…" Kai teased.
"S--sorry! I didn't mean t--to…" Kent trailed off as he apologized, forgetting how to speak for a moment as Kai's hand made its way under his clothes to stroke at his clit, a finger or two slowly slipping into him.
"This okay? It's been a while since I did this for someone else..."
"H--how long is a while?"
Kai chuckled. "I think……… a little over 210 years now? Thereabouts?"
"O--oh."
"Tell me what you want, Kent?"
"K-- ...keep doing that…" he mumbled, fidgeting anxiously as he tried to resist pressing into their teasing touches too eagerly.
"So eager," Kai teased. "Don't you want to drag things out at all? Or would you rather it be over already?" they murmured, speeding up their fingers for a second.
"A--ah, S--Shroud!--" Kent whimpered, before he slapped his hand over his mouth in mortification.
They didn't even pause, chuckling into his ear as they teasingly circled the sensitive nub. "What is it?" Kai murmured, gently mouthing at his neck.
"Ah-- d--don't stop…"
They chuckled, mercilessly massaging his clit as they felt him squirm with renewed vigor. "When has the Silver Shroud ever left a job undone? All in due time…"
"S--Shroud…" Kent mumbled. He found himself clutching their other arm, the one they used to pull him tightly against themself as they toyed with his nethers. He clung to it as if it was his lifeline, his head lolling back against their shoulder.
“As the Shroud I’ve seen death come for many,” Kai murmured, gently running their teeth over his neck. “Will you do so for me? Will you cum for death’s shroud?”
Kent panted into his palm, struggling to muffle himself behind his hand.
"Cum for me, Kent, like a good boy," Kai whispered, biting gently at his neck as their hand sped up mercilessly.
Kent thrashed gently in their grasp, his awkward grunt stifled between both hands right then as he hit his peak so soon, his head pressed back into their shoulder as he arched.
"So obedient," Kai murmured, their hand slowing down as he settled back down.
He mumbled incoherently in reply, shivering at their teasing strokes before they finally took their hand back out of his pants.
"Doing okay?"
"Y--yeah. That w--was… wow…" Kent stuttered.
"Flatterer," Kai murmured into his neck.
The room seemed even quieter than before, the hum of the nearby memory loungers and the whirr of his broadcasting equipment the only other sounds to be heard outside of Kent's panting. The scent of old wood and musty paper, and the sensation of their warm weight on the bed were the only things that helped him realize it hadn't been another dream. That had actually… just happened.
"Still awake?"
Kent jolted, startled out of his musing. "Y--yeah!"
Kai chuckled and squeezed him one last time before they sat up. "I still need to talk to some people today, but I promise to come back before I leave. Is that okay, Kent?"
"You don't need my permission to leave," he mumbled in embarrassment.
"Don't like leaving you hanging," Kai replied. "I'd hate to be a rude guest."
"Oh…"
"Hey Kent?"
He glanced back shyly. "Yeah?"
They leaned over and kissed him, their soft lips brushing against his rough mouth. "I'll be back."
He nodded numbly, and watched them leave before he curled back up on his bed. One of two things would happen, Kent reasoned with himself. One: he would wake up again from this dream, sigh wistfully and continue with his regular routine like he always did. Or two: he wouldn't.